Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
