No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
