He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
