Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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