actually, I'm a sock model
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
