I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
