Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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