We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
