You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I believe in your delicious
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
