I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
