I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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