This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
