the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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