now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
