Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
