omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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