Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

im ready to get crazy and take my wig off

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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(281): View more from Texas

All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

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(214): View more from Texas

Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.

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(517): View more from Michigan

the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.

(1-517): View more from Michigan

fuck our hall.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.

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