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• (305): View more from Florida

  If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  But I thought it was so funny last night

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night

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