Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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