Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did