Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!