SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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