I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do