So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video