I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
