don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
