u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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