This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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