Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
