As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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