chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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