i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
