I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
