saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
