Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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