So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
