I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
