I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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