Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
