I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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