At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
