i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
