i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
