Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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