Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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