This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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