I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
