in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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