i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
