i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
