Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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