I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
