He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
