clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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