Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
