who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
