Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
