Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
