dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
