It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
