Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
