New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
