So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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