So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
