Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
