Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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