so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
