When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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