why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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