It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am naked and annoyed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
