I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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