You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
