Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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