i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
