If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
