i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
