Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
