I only kidnapped one of them. chill
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
