I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
