He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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