Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
