I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
