Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
