i permit you to call me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
