Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
